Sally Lloyd Homeopathy

Treating Autism & Vaccine Injury Naturally

Category: Self Esteem

anxiety children

Overcoming inertia [When you are afraid].

Fearlessness doesn’t come naturally to me.  I cracked living creatively despite it.
If I should let in pessimism & fear now; if I nurtured and entertained them, they may still have the ability to take over my life like unwanted, non-paying lodgers!  Like carrying their weight on my back.

Change seeps in around you 

Today I liked this post [from @sauravrungta], particularly this bit:

“To resist change is like resisting the current, which makes your life very hard. Sometimes, resistance can also put you in a situation where you are paddling against the current and trying to go upstream, which is just worse.”

It really got me thinking about how I have the child-like quality of being so un-switched on to change that it seeps in around me and before I know it, it’s happened.  I remembered I wasn’t always this way!
I know a lot of people who resist change.
They are anxious, frightened people who fear the worst & expect the worst.

It seems easier to stay in the known moment than to move into the unknown.

They resist.
But like @sauravrungta says, this takes a WHOLE lot of energy & leaves little room for growth and creativity.

I was rudely awakened to the concept of death by age 3 1/2 when my father died of a brain hemorrhage aged 31.
I was a TREMENDOUSLY fearful child.  I slept with my arms crossed over my chest, my teeth clenched, expecting to be stabbed from above or below and any number of perils my mind could muster.
Fear still had the capability of visiting with me well into my 40s [when my homeopath gave me a remedy 3 years ago that made me far more trusting! I was 50 this year.]

Crack how to live with it

I cracked how to live despite it before I resolved it.

As a teen, I recognized what a prison I was in and I freed myself.
I read Frank Herbert’s Dune!  The books contain a litany which I began to say to myself when I was afraid.  I taught myself to be brave by practicing turning toward the thing I fear [as long as I judge it not foolish to do so!].

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

If I was terrified someone/thing was behind me, I stopped in my tracks, literally turned round and stood still where previously I had run.  I ‘turned the inner eye to see its path’ and noticed I was calm.
I was encouraged onward by the calmness it brought and the freedom and strength I felt.

Default a YES!

I turned my default ‘NO!’ into a default ‘YES!’  Unless I had good, sound reason to avoid something, I refused to.
I work with a lot of anxious people [I’m a homeopath] and something I find useful to deal with inertia is building a habit of ‘changing your default’.   You have to build the habit and you have to maintain the habit with ‘habit hygiene’.  Don’t slip back for long to your old default.

Beware which wolf you feed
I remind myself:

If I should let in pessimism & fear now; if I nurtured and entertained them, they may still have the ability to take over my life like unwanted, non-paying lodgers!  Like carrying their weight on my back.

A doable action: It takes about 21 days …

It takes about 21 days to form a new habit and to break an old one [I tested it.  It’s sound :-)].

Replace your default ‘no’ with a default ‘yes’.  

Your decision is ‘yes’ and you have to give yourself good grounds to answer ‘no’.

I will face my fear.

[Hey!  I have a pathological inertia about doing anything I’m told to do … so I have to be sure it’s me making this decision and I’m fully committed to my new ‘yes’ habit.]

A default ‘Yes’ can change a lot more than fear & inertia.

It’s the same principle I used as a parent to become more responsive to my children’s needs & supportive of their liberty & equality:  I changed my default answer from ‘no’ to ‘yes’.  It’s a very positive way forward, and it became a wonderfully liberating habit. [Taking Children Seriously]

Take it easy – Baby Steps

It can be done in baby steps, getting stronger and braver daily.
The key thing is to OWN the problem.
No one else [and nothing] did it to you.
No one else is coming to change it for you.
To crack your ‘no’ habit, you have to want it.
It takes some bravery and commitment & some self-belief.

Piggy-Backing New Habits. 

The way to remember to practice a new habit for those 21 days is to add one new habit at a time and to piggy-back it onto something that is already a fixed habit you have.  Do it at the same time as the habitual thing.

Avoiding The Illness Trap

How can we avoid children growing up seeking safety and status in illness and a hiding place from criticism?  We are living with an additional obstacle to getting well, and it is epidemic.

We prioritise people (particularly children) when they are ill or grieving.  It’s right that we should.  However, we should be aware that people can fail to feel important and acknowledged when they are well, and this can lead to a learned trap.


As children, we are most vulnerable to learning to feel important mainly when ill. Our culture can be pretty harsh and intolerant to children.  We see the things children suffer over as petty, although the suffering is all too real.
Convention means we suspend harsh treatment & offer more love during times of suffering, but this can become a trap. Our best times can be times of illness if our needs & feelings are not acknowledged as children until we are ill and ‘special’.  
If you had a ‘good’ childhood, you can still absorb this idea or gut feeling.  As children, we are less able to decide what to make of our experiences.
I have a personal understanding of this & I’ve had to battle with this trap.
Protecting yourself from criticism or making yourself feel loved and important by subconsciously (or consciously) recovering more slowly from or holding onto illness or grief can be a very life-limiting & painful position to be trapped in.

We need to show love and acknowledge our kids’ feelings when they are not ill, deliberately and purposefully … because it can be a far LESS obvious time to do so.
Why stop with children?  Inside of all adults is a child that was told to stop crying or ‘making a fuss’.

The best way to help someone feel loved and valued and to help them heal from this trap is to acknowledge their feelings without measuring the validity of those feelings by our own judgment system.If you are looking for support with how to begin to do this as a parent, Pam Leo wrote a wonderful book called Connection Parenting.  <3

Trap of illness.
Other posts on this subject:

http://sallylloydhomeopathy.com/rewind-redo/

Depression & Anxiety: 4 Fixes That Work.

You have depression & anxiety?

  • You want to kick depression & anxiety…
  • To cope better with stress, emergencies, disappointments & criticism…
  • To heal traumas & grief…
  • & to cure physical illnesses triggered by stress & mental pain.

Keep reading, as I have important news about DEPRESSION & ANXIETY TREATMENTS …….

4 Great ways to rapidly improve depression & anxiety Click To Tweet

1)  Homeopathy For Depression & Anxiety:  

  1. Homeopathy can give you fast relief from depression & anxiety (see my testimonials).
  2. With no side-effects!   Let me repeat:  NO SIDE-EFFECTS!
  3. It is cost effective treatment, without years of paying for prescriptions.
  4. It is EFFECTIVE.  Depression & anxiety are effectiveness gaps for GPs.   They are usually the first problems to be cured during a homeopathic treatment, so don’t delay.  
  5. Homeopathic treatment for depression, anxiety & OCD pays for itself in fewer sick days & better productivity.

Depression, Anxiety & OCD: 4 Rapid fixes


Depression & Anxiety Treatments that can be useful alongside homeopathic treatment: 

2) “The Work” by Byron Katie

is a rapid & simple form of ‘cognitive-behaviour’ type therapy. You can access it free hereThere are lots of videos showing people overcoming feeling and thoughts that cause depression & anxiety.  

and/or:

3)  “The Feeling Good Book

depression anxiety ocd 4 rapid fixes

a cognitive-behaviour therapy course by David Burns.  

Cognitive behaviour therapy can help with:

  • perfectionism,
  • procrastination,
  • self-hatred, 
  • other self-defeating behaviours, which cause depression & anxiety.

Afterwards it’s really difficult to go back to where you were.  You can no-longer quite take the negative thoughts seriously because you can see through them.  It short circuits what I call “Shame spirals” that lead to depression & anxiety; those self-beating sessions that deteriorate into some of the symptoms of depression & anxiety: misery, self harm & angry outbursts.

4)  Meditation.  

The benefits for depression & anxiety of taking at least short moments to be quiet and peaceful are obvious. Tiny moments, practiced until they can join up into longer moments.  Even when things feel pretty terrible, it seems to be spookily peaceful in there.
There is a worldwide organization/community called Balanced View that teaches you to take ‘short moments’ to discover that you can ‘rest’ with the negative thoughts.  For those who want community for healing … this may be for you. 


Homeopathy [and the above books] helped me beat depression & anxiety.  It’s one of the main reasons I became a homeopath and focus on depression & anxiety in my practice.

Homeopathy is a 200 year old system of holistic medicine that treats you as a whole person; your physical, emotional and mental elements.  It is used by 6 million people in the UK, for many types of health problem, not just depression & anxiety.

It’s not necessary to take suppressive drugs with sometimes awful, long term side effects, like loss of emotion, drowsiness, etc, which themselves impact on your life.

Don’t wait.  There’s nothing to lose in trying homeopathy for depression & anxiety.  

 book appointment sally lloyd homeopathy

or request a
***FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULTATION***
Find out how homeopathy may help your health problem.

bringing you happy healing
Sally

sal and uki veg garden

anxiety children facebook group


Other Posts On This Subject: 

Children with Anxiety: Homeopathic Care & Nurturing Strong Connection

Expressing Your Emotions is OK (The Male Suicide Rate in the UK is not).

Extrinsic Rewards & Children’s Mental Health.

http://sallylloydhomeopathy.com/gcse-year-is-my-child-ok/

Health Concerns for School Children.

If You Get It Wrong … A Peaceful Parenting Post.


this post is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute treatment in itself. 

Extrinsic Rewards & Children’s Mental Health.

For the sake of our children we must give them self determination Click To Tweet


we need to LIVE the message that there is hope in their futures.
That they can find a way to do whatever they want to.
Life won’t be a ‘chore’.

That 65% of the jobs they might do in the future haven’t yet been invented.
Yes, they COULD do what they love to do, and earn money.
That, yes, they COULD be a youtuber.
Yes, they COULD be famous.
Someone did it, so of course it’s possible.

mental-health-children

“The increased psychopathology seems to have nothing to do with realistic dangers and uncertainties in the larger world. The changes do not correlate with economic cycles, wars, or any of the other kinds of world events that people often talk about as affecting children’s mental states. Rates of anxiety and depression among children and adolescents were far lower during the Great Depression, World War II, the Cold War, and the turbulent 1960s and early ‘70s than they are today. The changes seem to have much more to do with the way young people view the world than with the way the world actually is.”

Decline in Young People’s Sense of Personal Control Over Their Fate

In his article Peter Gray relates that there has been a marked shift from intrinsic goals to extrinsic goals.  Intrinsic goals are more under our control.  Extrinsic goals are more under someone else’s control (an examiner, a sports scout, an employer, etc).

An increase in focus on extrinsic goals leads to a decrease in our sense of control over our fate, and a decrease in our mental health. Click To Tweet

link

Traditional schooling is strewn with extrinsic rewards, necessary to get children to engage with tasks that are not immediately meaningful and important to them.
We start very early, with stickers, sweets, happy/sad side boards … to tell children that we are in control of their fates and what their fates should be,

We inculcate them into a belief system that they cannot learn without our expertise, that their judgment is childish and inferior to adult judgment.

We extend, further and further, the bounds of ‘childhood’.
Meanwhile, we restrict, more and more, their freedom to range and take risks.

Instead, we could empower children.
We could facilitate exploration of their interests.
Value play for its importance in learning.

Expressing Your Emotions is OK (The Male Suicide Rate in the UK is not).

 

Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. It is also predominantly a male disorder. Of the 5,981 suicides in 2012, an astonishing 4,590 (76%) were men. And yet while Britain has high-profile campaigns on, say, testicular cancer or driving safely, the biggest killer of men under 50 is not getting the attention it deserves. link

Culture is slowly changing.  Some men in the media are seeding the ground for men to be able to be more openly emotional in British society, more openly vulnerable.  Men hug each other on TV & have ‘bromances’ & more openly close friendships.  We hear Grimmy comfortably discussing his male celebrity crushes with Graham Norton on Radio 1’s Breakfast Show. Professor Green is talking about his father’s suicide, crying openly as he does so.
Hopefully, in time, this will impact on the male suicide rate, but, as yet, it is still on the rise.

We must give our boys and men the message that expressing their emotions is not unmanly, and teach them language for expressing emotions.  Acknowledge their feelings when they are little rather than shutting down their tears & condoning angry expressions (by our often unspoken acceptance that men and boys are angry & girls cry).
Let them know that they don’t need to be alone in their adult responsibilities: let them know that holding the family together & putting food on the table is a team effort.

Give them roles that are realistic, human roles.  Roles for little boys to be hopeful about. 
Teach them that they can ask for support and they don’t have to be the ‘rock’ in those times when they can’t be.

 

male-suicides

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” wrote Henry David Thoreau in the middle of the 19th century. Not much has changed.”

from  If only more men could express emotion like Professor Green

AS I BEGAN TO LOVE MYSELF – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in
my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew
me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude
a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since
I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry
about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING
is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my
mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this
connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing
new worlds are born.Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

Charlie Chaplin

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

cropped-RHF-cherries-circle.jpegLatest Posts